Updated: Mar 15, 2021

woman talking to a friend and handing him her phone

First of all, I don't write this article out of frustration, which could be the case.

Ok, maybe it is a little out of frustration.

Secondly, I am a life coach, though I prefer to call myself a mindset coach.

But what questions do you need to ask a life coach, because they ?

present themselves wrong.

Let me elaborate.

First of all, I can’t get over the impression that social media has become one big advertising channel.

Me, being a life coach, I read articles and stuff about life coaching. That’s a no-brainer,


Therefore I get bombarded with spectacular advertising in the form of mind-blowing videos and very powerful looking life coaches who promise you the world and can solve everything!

And I guess that’s also the advertising you get if you are looking for a coach? The advertisement is in the order of: ‘Your life is going to be extraordinary. You will prosper! You'll live in a beach house at the Bahamas and have a beautiful husband or wife with two lovely blond kids.’ Unless you are black, then the blond kids-thing could be a challenge.

The way life coaches present themselves is a total distortion of what we do, and I can't figure out why we aren't telling people the truth?

A life coach can’t give you more self-confidence or self-esteem. He can’t show you the right path to follow.

What the ads of life coaches don’t tell you is that you’ll have to do it yourself!

A life coach only helps you in a way that he asks the right questions and that he challenges you to think in another perspective. That’s by the way why I changed my title into mindset coach.

You can’t fix someone’s life!

Everyone is in control of their own life.

Some people are lost, I agree, but if you have the urge to fix them, then you're not working at the root of the problem. Then you are just giving them some medication. After the meds have done their work, this person will be in the same position as he was in before.

I often get the question: ‘What do you do?’. And I used to answer that I work on people’s self-confidence and help them set goals, but I really need to stop doing that because the answer mostly is something like; 'This is not what I want.'

It would be the same thing as somebody walking into a BMW-store and asking for a Mercedes. The right question would be: 'I'm looking for a car.' The problem is that the stuck person doesn't know what he should ask. Therefore he compromises himself whereby the problem doesn’t get solved. That's why I always insist on talking.

The problem is that people don’t want that talk!

They want their problem fixed and expect you will do it for them, because they pay you money.

It doesn’t work that way. It works for a car of a machine that’s broken, but not for a human being.

The bottom line is. Don't ask how a coach can help you. Have a conversation with the coach to find out. If he tells you he will fix the problem, then you’ve found the wrong coach.

A coach can’t fix anything. It’s you and only you who can address the problem.

In summary, this is a love letter to coaches who work on the root of problems and letting people help themselves.

In some cases, it only needs one talk!

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